1. When my mother landed in Bolivia I took her straight home. Doña Petra was thrilled to meet her. She asked me jokingly in Quechua if now that my mother was here I was going to drink breast milk instead of eating her cooking. The word for "teta" (breast) in Quechua is chuchhuy.
My mother said out loud [in English], "oh wow that word sounds like "chupi-chupi."
Everyone in the room gasped.
I replied, "No Mommy. That's big vagina."
My mother's first words in Quechua were "chupi-chupi-- big vagina". Well done Mommy! You might want to keep that to yourself though next time.
Doña Petra interjected "Y bien lo ha dicho también." [And she said it so well too].
2. My mother starts removing items of clothing at the dinner table. Doña Petra asks, "¿Tienes calor? Como vienes de Jamaica, pensaba que ibas a tener mucho frío acá en Cochabamba. [Are you hot? Since you're coming from Jamaica I thought you would be very cold here in Cochabamba]
My mother replies, "No, no. Solo es la menopausia" [No, no. That's just menopause].
3. One of the students that lived with my host family five years ago came to the house with his Peruvian girlfriend to visit. They hadn't seen him in forever. His girlfriend was not as easy on the eyes as he was and her personality was not as memorable as his is. (I know: euphemism to the rescue). My host mother Doña Petra said that she waited for him to come at 5am and then: " Pero cuando salió con la chica [but when he came out of the car with his girlfriend] (insert LOUD GASP here)....AYYYYYYY [Shaking her head] Quieta me he quedado. [I was speechless]"
You don't know how hard it is for my host mother to be speechless.
When my mother saw her she said, "Danielle, I wonder if she obeah him?" [I wonder if she has used witchcraft to get him.]
Later on when they had the goodbye party for him. My host mother was completely drunk and she said to him sadly, "Te quiero. Pero ayyyy! (Shaking her head) La mejor carne...la ha comido la perra". [I love you. But AYYYY! (Shaking her head) The best meat has been eaten by the female dog.]
In case you miss the reference here, the best meat is him and the female dog is the girlfriend.
Say it with me:WOW!
Hmm Do you think she was a hit with the family?
Favourite quote: La mejor carne...(Shaking head) la ha comido la perra. (The best meat has been eaten by the female dog).