Friday, April 06, 2007

The Banana Boat in Lima

I went to the beach on Saturday and had an escapade with a banana boat. You know how the banana boat is being dragged by a speed boat and you have to try to stay on for the entire ride? Well I got on the banana boat and started falling off immediately because you already know that I am not the fattest person in the world. But since Im a stubborn idiot I held on to the boat for dear life.

Then the water started beating against my body. So now I was being dragged alongside the banana boat and the boat was moving at the speed of lightening as I simultaneously used my hand to cling to it for dear life. The force of the water started pushing off my bikini bottom. So then I start hanging on to both my buttcheeks and the side of the boat in fear of being stripped naked in my quest not to be knocked off the boat. But at the same time the people still on the boat were looking at me like Im a psycho. Then I say to myself "Danielle people think you're a psycho because you're grabbing your ass while your body is being dragged by a banana boat..sometimes you gotta cut your losses dude"
Then I start thinking to myself, what if your bikini bottom really falls off and you're pantsless when you get back ON the boat.

So I let go.

And I was immediately clobbered by a giant wave. I then pull my bikini bottom up before the boat comes back to get me. When they come get me they pull me back on and it gave me a really huge wedgy so my buttcheeks were screaming "HELLO " to the world. When I finally get on the boat with my two buttcheeks hanging out, I looked at the other people on the banana boat and said "In Jamaica showing your buttcheeks to strangers is how we say HOLA"
And they burst out laughing..