Aqhata munani ujyayta...When in doubt, speak italian!

Learning a language is the source of a lot of confusion in the house. Needless to say, the first few days are the most difficult for both the hosts and the guest. My host mother Doña Petra has had three run-ins with me that I am sure have left her feeling very confused:

1. I am not a morning person. After my 30 hour journey to Bolivia I decided to rest and to go to school at 1pm instead of 8am like the other students the next day. Joaquín was completely okay with that since I was exhausted when I arrived. Doña Petra woke me up at 7 to ask if I wasn't going to have breakfast before I go to school. Now by her own admission and that of her children, she speaks quechua extremely quickly and spoke for about 5 minutes. The only part I caught was that she asked me if I wasn't going to school. Now at that time of the morning, when my body is exhausted, I don't speak any language. So half asleep I responded, "Oggi non devo andare a scuola. Joaquín ha detto che posso andare verso l'una quindi rimango a casa." Yep, I responded to her in ITALIAN! Of all languages?!?! Somehow, my brain is programmed so that if the language I am hearing is not English or Spanish, then it must be italian. So in my state of between sleep and consciousness, I spoke not in my mother tongue, but in Italian. My response lasted for about 30 seconds and I noticed she was looking at me blankly. Then she said, "Imata ninki? (What are you saying? but her face was more like "what the hell???") Then finally I go, "Mana kanchu yachana wasi kunan pacha. Yachaywasiman rini a la una. Chayqa wasipi qhepakuni. (I don't have class right now. I'll go to school at 1. So I'll stay home). That was a lot of confusion for 7 am. I'm used to confusion at any time after say around noon... but not that early.

2. In Bolivia, they have a typical drink called Chicha. In quechua, the word for chicha is "aqha". The problem is Quechua is a language of explosive, popping sounds so you have to distinguish words sometimes by sound. For example, you have the word tanta which means together, thanta (th is pronounced like hindi so the t sound is heard and the h sound is heard almost separately. It sounds something like ta-hanta) which means old by means of excess use and t'anta (t has a popping sound) which means bread. Now qh is pronounced like you're breathing into the h. It takes a lot of effort and I was really tired so I didn't breathe into the h so it came out as the word "aka". So I was very lazy and said to Doña Petra, "akata munani ujyayta" (I want to drink chicha) "Aqha" is chicha but Aka is sh*t. So she looked at me and just burst out laughing. I had said "I want to drink sh*t." She was like "In Bolivia, we don't drink that." I was sure to clarify that that was a genuine linguistic error and not a cultural one. Jamaicans find drinking that to be apalling too.

3. Janine had told me a story about Bolivian slang. She went to the market with Joaquín and a lady asked her if she liked plátano boliviano (Bolivian plaintain). Janine responded that she loved it because in Switzerland they don't have it and when they import it, its usually very green. In Bolivia however, its so great. They have all this variety in different colours and sizes and she could eat it everyday etc. So of course, Joaquín and the lady burst out laughing because in Bolivia, plátano is slang for penis. So we thought that was really funny and made fun of Janine for the rest of the ride. When I got home, Doña Petra asked me if I liked plantain so of course I just start laughing. She asked me again. So I paused before I responded and eyed her with some suspicion. She assumed I didn't understand and then decided to explain in Spanish that its like a banana, she is going to make it for dinner. I can have it boiled or fried. If I don't like it, I don't have to eat it etc. The whole time I was smiling and then I said, "yeah I'll have it for dinner." I didn't bother explaining but I think I will tomorrow since she continues to look at me awkwardly.